how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
A+ Viking dick
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
