My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
