Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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