you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
