That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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