our cab driver is having phone sex.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
