I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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