Apparently you make a good broom.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
