She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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