i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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