Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
