Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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