I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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