I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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