That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
