Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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