The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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