I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
