Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
