im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
