My liver just broke up with me...
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
