sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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