Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
