i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
