the condom got lost in my hair
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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