her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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