just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
