Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
