u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
