Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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