She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
