I hate your face
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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