Having a random hookup so left but love u
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
