I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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