I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
