At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
