The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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