im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i barfeds in our rink
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
