Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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