Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
