Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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