Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
And then the night went full on bisexual.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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