I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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