So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
