I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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