I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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