You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You need Xanax blowdarts
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
