I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
