Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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