can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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