No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
