i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
