did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
