Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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