Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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