her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
why do cheetos always look like penises
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
