***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
