omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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