Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
