Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
