If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
