So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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