I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
