I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My liver just had a heart attack.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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