theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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