If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
This is classic penis vs brain.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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