Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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