So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
