Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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