Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize